Bad Mother by Ayele
t Waldman
Back in June or July, Newsweek came out with a list of 50 Books For Our Time. After joking around about how some book blogger was CERTAIN to turn this into a challenge, Amy decided that SHE was going to turn this into a challenge. Clearly no book blogger would have time to read all 50 books and report back, so she decided that we would divide up the list, people choosing which book they would like to read and review. I’d been hearing a lot about “Bad Mother” in the previous months and had just become a mother about a week before Amy’s brilliant idea, so I volunteered for #25 on the list, Ayelet Waldman’s “Bad Mother.”
“Bad Mother” is a collection of essays about Waldeman’s life with and thoughts about her kids. The idea of a ‘bad mother’ is basically pushing back against the idea of the super mom whose identity is completely subsumed by those of her children, the bad mother is the anti-June Cleaver. And, according to Waldman, the bad mother might just raise emotionally healthier kids:
What is a child like whose mother has selflessly devoted herself to his every need and desire? Is he thoughtful and kind, empathetic and liable to put others’ needs before his own? Or is he so packed full of self-esteem, so conscious of his own sense of entitlement, that he is impossible to be around? Our children may wear unmatched socks, we trumpet, but they’re better people than yours are.
-p. 17
Ayelet writes on a variety of topics and really throws herself into each of her essays. While I don’t necessarily agree with all of her beliefs and parenting ideas, everything was well-reasoned and internally-consistent. I will say, that her essay about her abortion of her possibly-deformed child nearly made me cry, how she both grieves for the child she could have had and yet fulls owns her decision.
I can see why this was added to the Newsweek list. The phenomenon of the supermom, the woman who does everything for her husband and children, all the while holding down a fulfilling job became incredibly pervasive in the 1990s, and much of the last few years has seen women pushing back against that ideal. Whether or not you agree with all of Waldman’s politics, this is definitely a worthwhile read for all parents, if only to serve to begin discussion. It was a quick, thought-provoking and enjoyable read.
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Source: library
I’m so glad you guys took this list into your own hands! I’m looking forward to reading more reviews of books on the list. As for this one, it sounds really interesting. I first heard of it a few months ago and was really intrigued. It sounds very interesting. Thanks for your review!
.-= A Bookshelf Monstrosity´s last blog ..And the Winner Is… =-.
I heard an interview with Waldman on NPR some time ago and thought this sounded interesting. I’ll have to pick it up. I know some people are put off by her stance that her marriage comes first, kids second. Isn’t that what what they told us to do when our kids were born? Although, I’m not sure that if I had to pick between my husband and one of my kids, that’s the way I would go!
Great review. I need to read mine too! You just reminded me!
Did you read last Sunday’s NYTimes piece about Waldman and her husband, author Michael Chabon? It was interesting; it sounds like they have this perfect life together, writing in a little studio back-to-back while their kids are in school. I’ve read a few of her mysteries but not this one yet; it’s on my radar but don’t know if I’ll buy it.
I remember you telling me about it, so I just went and read it right now while I was still thinking about it. It was really interesting to get a look into their lives from a more outside perspective.
This does sound thought provoking. I’m sure I would think differently about this now than I would have when my child was young.
I’d love to read this. Better put it on the ole wishlist.
.-= lenore´s last blog ..Waiting On Wednesday (39) The Things that Keep Us Here by Carla Buckley =-.
I snagged an ARC of this and reviewed it back in May – it’s probably going to be on my “Books of the Year.” list. It’s frank and thought-provoking, and I really like Waldman’s voice and writing style. Glad you enjoyed it too!
.-= Florinda´s last blog ..Encore: The Anniversary Waltz =-.
This sounds really interesting … I might have to check it out. Ever since becoming a mother, I’ve checked out quite a few books about the subject (duh) and this sounds like one of the better and more thoughtful ones. I do think you cannot LIVE for your children or you cease to be an example of a good and well-rounded person for them.
I generally stay away from parenting as there’s just a book for every line of thought out there and thus I can’t take anything as the one true way but this sounds fun and honest so I might give it a try. Thanks for the review!
.-= Pam´s last blog ..The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup and a Spool of Thread ~ Kate DiCamillo; Timothy Basil Ering =-.
I probably won’t read this because I am not a parent, but your review did make it sound very interesting! Even if you aren’t a parent, it touches on a topic that most people are aware of.
I don’t really parenting books very often, but this one sounds interesting. The idea of Good Mom/Bad Mom is so pervasive — I can’t imagine the pressure there must be to try and make the right decisions for you and your family all the time.
Anyway, I’m glad the book was worthy of being a “Book of Our Time.” I read Random Family, which I felt the same way about.